When the Past Still Calls
Even after decades of Torah observance, lingering desires from one’s past can still surface. In this thoughtful response, Aharon Schmidt explores—through the lens of Chassidus—why these feelings occur and how the Tanya and the Rebbe guide us in responding to them • Full Article
Question:
Before I became religious in my early twenties, I lived a pretty wild life—lots of music, parties, and the like. I then went to yeshiva for a couple of years, got married, and am raising a Torah-observant chareidi family, baruch Hashem. However, it bothers me that at the age of 52, after being religious for 30 years, I still experience ta’avos (desires) for my old life. I know I would not be happy doing those things and, truthfully, I do not want to return to them. Yet from time to time I feel a pull toward the “old times.” Why is this?
Answer:
Chassidus explains that da’at (often translated as “knowledge”) is not merely intellectual understanding, but a deep internalization that reaches the emotions—awakening love, fear, longing, or excitement. Da’at serves as the bridge between intellect and emotion.
When we encounter something that we know feels good, we are naturally drawn to it. Similarly, within our psyche are memories of experiences that once gave us pleasure. From time to time, these memories surface in our consciousness and automatically arouse desire, due to the association between the memory and the feeling of enjoyment.
Every Jew is composed of two souls: an animal soul and a G-dly soul. The animal soul hungers for physical pleasure, while the G-dly soul thirsts for closeness to Hashem. The desires you experience are the familiar cravings of the animal soul, attempting to relive pleasures it once enjoyed. However, these cravings are no longer relevant to who you are today. They are merely the “leftovers” of the past—residual memories of what once felt good. You are in a very healthy place, because you recognize that these pursuits would not bring you happiness and that you do not want them in your life.
The Tanya teaches that when such thoughts arise, one should push them away with “both hands,” without engaging or reasoning with them. Attempting to analyze or debate the thought only draws it closer and gives it power. Instead, the thought should be firmly dismissed and replaced with holy thoughts—words of Torah or Tehillim.
The Rebbe explains that true relief from foreign thoughts comes specifically through replacement with positive ones. Our minds are constantly active and must be occupied with something. When a person think deeply about a Torah concept, the light of Torah dispels the darkness. (See the Rebbe’s letter, 29 Shevat 5717, Eitzos V’HaDrachos.)
Aharon Schmidt is the editor of Living Jewish, a weekly Chabad publication; Shliach in Ramat Beit Shemesh Alef; and coach specializing in marriage and individual coaching.
For more information about coaching services, visit: www.aharonschmidt.com
To receive periodic ideas on navigating marriage and personal growth, reach out to: [email protected]
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