Should Parents Get Involved in Children’s Marital Issues
Question: To what extent should parents get involved with children’s martial issues? • Aharon Schmidt replies, from the Living Jewish’s Farbrengen column • Read More, Video
Question: To what extent should parents get involved with children’s martial issues?
Answer: This is an important and highly relevant question. Throughout a child’s life, parents provide guidance, support, and encouragement. They comfort their children during difficult times, celebrate their successes, and help them navigate life’s challenges. Guiding a child toward marriage is one of the most rewarding and emotional transitions a parent experiences. Even after marriage, many children continue to benefit from parental support as they learn to build a home.
Yet, marriage also changes the dynamic. There is now a spouse whose feelings and privacy must be considered. A spouse may feel uncomfortable knowing that personal marital matters are being shared with parents. Even well-intentioned advice can sometimes create tension or be perceived as taking sides. Thus, parents should approach these situations with sensitivity and caution.
At the same time, parents often possess wisdom gained through life experience. It is healthy to keep a “finger on the pulse” by periodically checking in and noticing when a child seems troubled. What appears catastrophic to a newly married child may, in fact, be a normal adjustment. A calm and reassuring parental perspective can help a child recognize that differences, misunderstandings, and occasional rough patches are often part of the process of learning to live together.
However, it can also be helpful for parents to be aware of the difference between normal marital friction and abuse. While all couples experience disagreements, abuse can involve patterns of control and intimidation; manipulative behaviors designed to assert dominance and diminish the victim’s sense of self-worth. While we often think of abuse as physical, emotional abuse is real and its impact can be profound and lasting. If a parent suspects that abuse may be present, it is wise to seek guidance from a qualified professional.
In conclusion, parents should avoid excessive interference while remaining attentive and supportive. A word of encouragement or perspective can be helpful. When concerns about abuse arise, professional guidance is essential to determine the best course of action.
Aharon Schmidt, relationship and Shalom Bayit coaching: [email protected]. Editor and compiler of Living Jewish; author of popular weekly advice column, Farbrengen.
*Five-week marriage seminar for men beginning the 5th of Elul (August 18th). Learn methods to build a close, loving and peaceful home. Contact [email protected] for details.
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