“I Am Never Alone” — A Tribute To Henya Federman A”H
“As the sun dipped in the sky, floods of tears started streaming; some happy, some emotional, some confusion, some gratitude and some pain.” Yehudis Bryski writes in her tribute to the Shlucha Henya Federman, A”H. “I peeked at my 11 month old baby, tugging at my legs. Is this going to scare him? He didn’t notice my tears, so I let them flow. I let myself feel the highs and lows of the day. A good yet very eventful day.” • Full Article
Written by Yehudis Bryski, a tribute to the Shlucha Henya Federman, A”H
Sim Shalom… I’m almost finished.. Elokai Neshama…
As the sun dipped in the sky, floods of tears started streaming; some happy, some emotional, some confusion, some gratitude and some pain. I peeked at my 11 month old baby, tugging at my legs. Is this going to scare him? He didn’t notice my tears, so I let them flow. I let myself feel the highs and lows of the day. A good yet very eventful day.
I don’t usually manage to concentrate during Shemone Esrei, never mind to get emotional. This Mincha was different. My Spotify was going from song to song. Usually, I would turn it off before Davening, but this time, I didn’t manage.
In the middle of Shemone Esrei, the song switched to “A Shliach Fun Rebbe’n” (from Camp Chayolei Hamelech), perhaps sensing the Kinus Hashluchos in the air. The tune, the words, the mood – all of it together turned me on emotionally. The feelings were strong. Too strong to hold inside and my body let it out in tears. Tears for all the pain that people carry, emotionally and physically. Tears of tension from being a Morah for 25 first grade girls, who need 100% attention, 100% of the time. Tears of the golus that is stretching too long and got to go!
As I took three steps forward, I focused on the words and I hear “איך פאר דאך מיט אייך, I am never alone…” A smile spread on my lips as I relaxed. Yes, I’m in all this darkness, but Hashem is too. I finished Davening “Al Tira” knowing ‘I can get through this, because He is with me and He believes in me.’
I thought to put this experience in writing and that it would end here. That is, until I see “עד מתי” on a friend’s status … Henya Federman … ברוך דיין האמת. How could it even be? I’m in shock. I never knew Henya, but in the past few weeks I felt so connected through the tefillos, learning and farbrengens that were done in her honor. Though I don’t personally know the family, my heart cries for them … I have no words.
Hashem, if Golus has to be dark, it’s very dark. If pain has to be felt, it’s very felt. If Moshiach’s birthpangs are supposed to hurt, it’s hurting. Badly.
Hashem, You’re with us, I know. But still, עד מתי?
Can you take us out already? Please?! We’re ready.
It’s time for the sun to rise again.
***
The song mentioned:
782
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