Unreturned Calls – It’s Gotta Stop




    Shifra Vepua

    Unreturned Calls – It’s Gotta Stop

    Recently, I tried to reach a Mashpia for an important matter.  I left a message and was hoping to hear from her. It’s not the first time that this Mashpia did not return my call, but because of the necessity to reach her specifically, I tried to call her anyway. Written by Chana V. • Full Article

    Written by Chana V.

    Recently, I tried to reach a Mashpia for an important matter.  I left a message and was hoping to hear from her. It’s not the first time that this Mashpia did not return my call, but because of the necessity to reach her specifically, (due to her having a connection to someone that could help me) I tried to call her anyway. No call was returned.

    Now, let me be clear, I do not take more time than needed, (I happen to know what that feels like, because I’ve been taken advantage of, in this regard) I do try to be very careful with other people’s time. I also am not someone that was given “Mashpia Homework” from her that was not done, and I did not call Erev Shabbos, Yom Tov or a week or two before Pesach.

    So I ask you; “Why wasn’t my call returned?” I know I’m not the only one with this experience, but how are we to fulfill the Rebbe’s Bakasha Nafshis or respect these women, if our calls aren’t returned by the people we think could help us? Let me just say, I totally understand why it may take a week or so in certain cases (like making a Simcha, traveling, etc,) to return a call, but I’m talking about not getting my call returned at all. Period.

    You may ask why don’t you just call her again, or you may tell me as I’ve heard from a different Mashpia, that it’s the Mushpa’s job to catch (run after) the Mashpia, not the other way around.

    So this is my thoughts on that; I am ready to be vulnerable, open up about my “personal matters” etc. to get advice, but do I also have to really run after her, especially since there were other times she didn’t call me back?

    Where’s the respect, the dignity, the human decency? Is this what the Rebbe would want? No, she’s not the only person or Mashpia that hasn’t returned my call, even if I called them more than once, and as stated earlier, I know I’m not the only one this happens to.  Can someone explain and enlighten me as to the reasoning of why someone would not return a call.  I don’t get it!

    Yes, I may have to call her again and again, but I really don’t want to and maybe it’s because if someone can’t respect me and give me the dignity every human being deserves, then maybe they should never be a Mashpia in the first place.


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    1. No need to post just my opinion

      Excuse me
      Mashpias are wonderful and super kind to give their time and energy and more
      Maybe she is too busy now
      So try someone else who is more reachable for you
      And pls be more appreciative of ppl
      No need to create a whole article about not returning calls
      Come on
      Find someone that you’re able to be in touch with and be a Mashpia for others if you can and calm down pls
      Let’s bring Moshiach Now!!!

    2. What??

      What does she owe you?
      Tutors charge $100 an hour for their time. Have you ever sent her a a little something for her time?
      (And if she is wrong for not returning your call, why would you use such a person as a Mashpia?…)

    3. Mendel

      My suggestion:

      Next time to do reach her (or meet her) ask her straight out; what’s the best way to reach you? I left a few messages last week… Should I continue to leave a message? should I call back again and again till you have a few minutes? should I rather email you? Should I stop by your house? Should I find a new mashpia?

      Also try her a different times, late evening, morning, afternoon.

      If she is a working mother + young children it might just be that she has no spare time and it’s time to move on.

      Much Hatzlacha, your efforts will surely bring you much Broches.

    4. from the author

      Thank you commentator #3 for your helpful advice – although I don’t live in the same city as my Mashpios, but your points are well taken. In regard to the first two comments #1. I read this to a Mashpia before publishing and she encouraged me to publish it #2 It sounds like you didn’t read what I already said regarding not using extra time ,obviously because I value their time and expertise. #3 I already said why I may not call her back, no need to repeat that #4 and probably most important is: I never heard the Rebbe say we need to actually pay a Mashpia. Have you ever heard of spiritual Tzedakah? I don’t think you want on your shoulders that people should stop giving and getting spiritual Tzedakah (advice, encouragement etc.)That would be very tragic and sad to say the least.

    5. Dov

      Completely agreed. Well spoken.
      I have had a similar situation, not being able to reach my personal mashpia, to the point that I stopped consulting with him all together. It took a while to find someone else. Think several years.
      It’s not his fault and it wasn’t intentional. But the consequence was that I couldn’t follow the rebbes directive for some time.
      People are busy in life but any response would be better than no response.

    6. Mashpia crisis

      I feel that everyone nowadays is so humble. Everyone wants to recieve, to be ‘mekabel’. Those that are willing to give are too busy. Lubavitch is growing. We need more people to give themselves over to help others. AND TO STOP BEING SO HUMBLE!!!

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