Thank you for agreeing to publish this. I was deliberating for a long time whether to share this story with anyone, however, I feel that this is the right thing to do, so here it goes:
Approximately three months ago, on a Tuesday evening after having put my kids to rest, I was sitting and unwinding after a long day when the phone rang. A man from … (location deleted) was on the phone inquiring about a Shidduch for his son.
The girl he was inquiring about was the daughter of a close family friend and, therefore, I was in a position to provide accurate information about her.
I immediately agreed – even though these conversation are never easy – but then ended absolutely regretting it.
He started off with the usual questions: Where she had learned, who her friends are and what did she want to do in life. Fine, those are reasonable questions.
Then the conversation started getting really strange as he asked me if she is Tznius – as if it is in the spirit of Tznius for a man to inquire about how a woman dresses. Hesitantly I replied that she is, and hoped that it would end at that.
However, he then continued asking about the length of her sleeves, and then the final question that got my blood boiling: What is the length of her skirt, and does it cover her knees when she is standing and sitting. Whoa!
Now, don’t get me wrong: these rules of Tznius are to be obeyed as stated in Shulchan Aruch. However, the same Shulchan Aruch also says that a man should not even glance at the finger of a woman, let alone probe into her wardrobe.
Perhaps a rule should be made that fathers inquire about the Bochur and mothers about the girl?
Once again, thank you for publishing this.