Follow ChabadInfo & Never Miss an Update!

Follow us on Instagram Subscribe to our WhatsApp status and broadcast Follow us on Tiktok Follow us on Facebook Follow us on X Follow us on Google News Subscribe on YouTube

By Rabbi Gershon Avtzon

It is now the summertime, and many children are already in for camp — while many other parents are still deciding whether to send theirs. Parents weigh all kinds of considerations. Some are practical (for example: can they afford the camp tuition?) and some are emotional (for example: is the child mature and independent enough to go?). These are valid concerns, and they should first be discussed between the parents and then, if necessary, with the family Rav or Mashpia.

In this article, I would like to openly address a few concerns that are, in my opinion, not valid — and that can even be counter-productive in the long term.

“I Need My Child’s Help at Home”

Some parents — consciously or subconsciously — have a hard time letting their children go to camp because they have come to rely on them at home. This is especially true of daughters who help care for younger siblings. Before addressing why this is so problematic, I would like to share a story of the Rebbe that I heard first-hand. I will not be sharing names, but I personally verified the story.

There was a girl — today, baruch Hashem, already a grandmother — who grew up as the oldest of a very large family. Her parents were blessed with many young children, and she became a “second mother” of sorts to her siblings. When she was around ten years old, her friends signed up for camp and she was unsure what to do. She really wanted to go, and had she told her parents, they would gladly have sent her. But she felt guilty about leaving her “job” at home and adding so much pressure on her mother.

Growing up in a Chassidishe home, she had heard many times from her parents that whenever a Chassid has a question, they write to the Rebbe. Knowing this was a question her parents would never send in on her behalf, she wrote the letter herself and personally delivered it — without their knowledge — to the Rebbe’s mazkirus (office).

A few days later, she came home from school to find her father waiting by the door, visibly agitated and nervous. He asked her directly whether she had written anything to the Rebbe. Seeing that “the game was up,” she told him the whole story. Her father had just received a call from the Rebbe’s office with an answer for his daughter, and was completely taken by surprise. The Rebbe answered clearly: the daughter should go to camp.

It is so important for us, as parents, to recognize the pressure and guilt that some of our children are quietly living with. If we do not actively encourage them to simply be kids and carefree, we risk causing them to age and mature before they truly should. Beyond missing out on important social interactions and joys, they can begin to harbor a subconscious resentment toward their parents and toward parenting in general. The effects on their short-term and long-term development — both as individuals and, one day, as parents themselves — can be very real.

Our Own Insecurities and Anxieties

Too many parents struggle to “let go” of their children. Their own anxiety and need for control prevent them from allowing their children to separate and grow. There is a genuine debate about what age a child should first leave home for overnight camp — and, truthfully, every child is different — but the debate should only be about “when,” not “if.” (The exception, of course, is a child who genuinely does not want to go, which is a whole separate discussion.)

I do not like to be so blunt, but it needs to be said: parents who “over-protect” their children and refuse to separate at any point are usually struggling with their own separation issues and anxieties. Our children do not deserve to suffer because we are unwilling to properly deal with our own challenges. When the camp discussion comes up, we need to be honest about whose interests we are really protecting — our own, or our children’s.

What the Rebbe Taught Us About Camp

We must always remember how strongly the Rebbe encouraged overnight camps and the tremendous benefits our children gain from them. There are, of course, things that can always be improved, and some valid concerns that deserve to be addressed (a separate article and discussion, iy”h). But on the whole, camp is a transformational experience on so many levels.

Just consider this:

• After accepting the nesius (leadership) of Chabad, the Rebbe never left New York City — for any reason.
• The only exception was the Chabad overnight camps.

That alone should make us realize just how important these camps are in the chinuch of our children.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on the above with me by email: [email protected].

0