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By Rabbi Gershon Avtzon

Question: I was brought up in a regular Lubavitcher home. In my parents house, the boys all started wearing a Yarmulka after the Upshernish at three years old. I have a neighbor that insists that her son — a one-year-old — wear a Yarmulka.  I’m wondering whether that’s an extreme position or is it something to be respected and emulated?

Answer: To properly address this question, it is worthwhile to discuss the spiritual benefits of wearing a Yarmulka. We all know that wearing Yarmulka is an expression of Yiras Shamayim. 

The Impact of a Yarmulka

(1) To a set of parents that wrote to the Rebbe about the challenges that their son was having in school on account of his wearing a Yarmulka, the Rebbe writes: “How praiseworthy is your lot, and the lot of your wife, that you have raised and educated your son to act in such a way that will only lead to happiness and blessings in your home”. (Igros, Vol. 11, p. 377; #3759).

(2) Wearing a Yarmulka also has a tremendous influence on the person wearing it. In the summer of 5715 (1955), someone wrote to the Rebbe on behalf of their friend who had a son whose behavior took a turn for the worse. The person was convinced that his son was being possessed by demons. 

In his response, the Rebbe tells the writer to reassure his friend that the issue with the boy is health related, and nothing to do with demons, the Rebbe stresses that while the issue is physical, the cure will stem from the parents and the boy adding in their spiritual observance. The Rebbe gave detailed instructions for the husband and wife and adds the following for the son: “The son should wear a Tallis Kattan and also be extra careful with having his head covered (with a Yarmulka).” (Igros, Vol  11 p. 303; #3688)

Treatment For Kleptomania

(3) A similar response was written to a parent who had a son that was a kleptomaniac (= a mental illness causing a tendency to steal ch”v). The Rebbe gives detailed instructions for the father and stresses (in underlined writing!) that the father should ensure that the son does not walk around without a Yarmulka! (Igros Vol. 5 p. 175; #1378)

(4) In the summer of 5710 (1950), the Rebbe responded to someone who had written that Baruch Hashem, a certain individual — from the response it seems that it was a child —  was recovering from an illness. The Rebbe responded: “Certainly he sleeps with a Yarmulka on his head and you tell him — in a manner appropriate to his age — about our Nasi, my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe, הכ”מ, and also, that even now, a tzaddik who passes away is found in all the worlds, including this one, the world of deed, more than during his lifetime. And he draws down blessings to all of those who are bonded with him, in particular, to boys and girls, as explained in Chassidus, regarding the concept:“For Israel is a youth and I love him.” (Igros Vol. 3 p. 397; #696)

Proper Age For A Yarmulka

Now, regarding your actual question, the following letter of the Rebbe, written on 11 Tammuz 5714 (1954) is very enlightening: 

(5) “In response to what you have written about the idea of children wearing a Yarmulka: It is certain that you have seen that excerpt of the letter written by my revered father-in-law the Rebbe [Rayatz] concerning the Upshernish: “…It is a matter of great [significance] among the customs of the Jewish people. Its essential purpose is to train [the child to] leave peyos. From the day of the haircut [when] the peyos are left, it is customary to carefully train the child to wear a tallis kattan and to recite the morning blessings, the Grace after Meals, and the Shema [before retiring. – RGA].” From this it is evident that the Yarmulka is certainly worn from the age of three and many start even earlier than that..” (Igros, Vol. 9 p. 181; #2803)

It, of course, depends on the child’s readiness, but what’s clear is that one need not wait for the child to be three-years-old to begin.

The Moshiach Connection: 

In the time of galus, we need external things to enhance our inner Yiras Shamayim. While the Yarmulka will surely stay in the times of Moshiach, the inner Yiras Shamayim will be felt naturally by all. 

It’s also interesting to note that the concept of covering one’s head originally was the practice of talmidei chachamim. The Rambam writes (Hilchos Deos 5:6) that “Torah Sages conduct themselves with exceptional modesty. They do not demean themselves and do not bare their heads or their bodies.” Eventually, this has become a chiyuv mandated by the Shulchan Aruch (OC 2:6) for all Jews. 

We can perhaps associate this development with the world coming closer to Moshiach, a time in which all “Jews will be great sages and know the hidden matters, grasping the knowledge of their Creator according to the full extent of human potential.”

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