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From the upcoming Hatomim Magazine for Yud Shvat

When The Rebbe Told Chassidim once went to the Tzemach Tzedek, wanting to hear Chassidus. He told them it wasn’t the time for it; he would speak on Shabbos. That being the case, they went to where they were staying. As they did so, Rabbi Hillel of Paritch arrived and the Tzemach Tzedek said Chassidus in his honor.

When the Chassidim returned to the Beis Medrash, they found out that they had missed out on the Chassidus and were very upset. They asked the Rebbe again to say Chassidus for them and he said, “Go to R’ Hillel and he’ll repeat it for you.”

The Chassidim said, “R’ Hillel is a ‘kli sheini’ (i.e. second-hand).”

The Tzemach Tzedek said, “But he is ‘yad soledes bo’ (lit. the hand is scalded by it, meaning the warmth of the original is retained).”

R’ Sholom Feldman was “kli sheini she’ha’yad soledes bo.” Every story he told was accurate, faithful to the source. Every story he told was a source of inspiration, awakening, analysis and thought. Every story was another step in an unending journey, of searching for the truth and desiring to serve Hashem as the teachings of Chassidus demand.

In the following collection of stories, R’ Sholom Feldman tells about the avodas Hashem of the talmidei ha’tmimim.

THE ENTIRE INYAN OF A BACHUR

The spiritual state of the bachurim tremendously affected the Rebbe. The Rebbe once said that the state of the bachurim in yeshiva affected him more than the terrible decree of “Mihu Yehudi.” It’s surely not necessary to describe how affected the Rebbe was by the decree of “Mihu Yehudi,” and yet, the state of the tmimim affected him even more.

The bachurim need to know that the main demand of them is not like that of the yungerleit. For the latter, the main avoda is being involved in shlichus and mivtzaim.

The Rebbe once said to R’ Meir Friedman, regarding his question about what he should do in order to ‘belong to’ the Rebbe, “My inyan is Uforatzta.”

But the demands of bachurim are different. Obviously, a bachur needs to be involved in mivtzaim and with full intensity, but that is not the main thing for him. R’ Efraim Wolf told me that when his son, R’ Notke, was a bachur, he would sometimes sneak out of seder for Mivtza Tefillin. The Rebbe did not like this and he told him that he never saw a business owner shut his store in order to go put tefillin on with someone. A bachur’s business in yeshiva is learning Torah and keeping to the schedule.

Don’t even consider the possibility that learning Nigleh is, as if possible, not what the Rebbe is about. It absolutely is what the Rebbe is about! I once heard the Rebbe say sadly, “Why don’t we even have anyone to ‘start with’ – to take pride in?” On the contrary, since we are Chassidim and all we want is to do the Rebbe’s inner will, when a bachur learns, keeps the sedarim, davens and does everything he is supposed to do as a tamim, this is his hiskashrus to the Rebbe.

THE REBBE ENUMERATED HIS DEMANDS OF THE BACHURIM

I will tell you something that happened in Teves 5717, when the Rebbe told me what his expectations of the bachurim are, and what is their path to be connected to him.

The tmimim found out that in one of the newspapers there was an ad from the secretaries which said that yeshivas Tomchei Tmimim – 770 was not under the leadership of the Rebbe; in other words, the Rebbe rescinded his title as Nasi of the yeshiva.

Of course, the tmimim were very unhappy. According to some of them, it was because of a dinner held shortly beforehand, to benefit Tomchei Tmimim. At the dinner, they sang ‘Hatikva’ at the request of the donors and this, apparently, upset the Rebbe to the point that he removed his ‘nesius’ from the yeshiva.

The tmimim decided they had to do something. After consultations, meetings and discussions, they decided that since the mashpia, R’ Shmuel Levitin, was at the dinner and he didn’t protest, they would make a protest against him.

The bachurim went to the mashpia’s room in the morning with mixed feelings. On the one hand, they highly esteemed him and were loyal talmidim. On the other hand, they felt it was a time for mesirus nefesh. The mashpia was immersed in Shacharis with avoda and they began shouting, “How could it be? The Rebbe removed his nesius from the yeshiva!”

They vented all their frustration and anger on the mashpia and he grabbed on to his tefillin shel rosh and fled from the room.

A short while later, the secretary, Rabbi Chodakov, called for all the tmimim who participated in the protest and told them to go to the Rebbe’s office. The bachurim were very frightened. Some of them hadn’t yet gone to the mikva (and they rushed there immediately). The Rebbe spoke in great sorrow and said, “How could this be? Even before you were born, he – R’ Shmuel Levitin – already merited to hear Chassidus from the Rebbe Rashab.”

The Rebbe repeated this several times. He then pointed at the yeshiva’s stationery and said the line on the paper didn’t change anything (in other words, whether it said that the Rebbe is the Nasi of the yeshiva on the official stationery).

Rabbi Yoel Kahn, who was already in the hanhala of the yeshiva, mustered the courage and said, “The bachurim want a yeshiva of the Rebbe.” The Rebbe said, “If you want a connection to me, learn Nigleh, learn Chassidus, and begin immersing in avodas ha’tefilla. What do you care about my politics? Politics is the depth of evil!”

The Rebbe then addressed what R’ Yoel said, “And there is someone here who is melamed zechus on them. Soon they will marry and what will be in their heads? Buying furniture.”

The inyan of a bachur is to learn Nigleh, to learn Chassidus, and to start immersing in the avodas ha’tefilla.

Following that incident, the hanhala was asked to punish the bachurim. The punishment was that the following Shabbos they were unable to attend the Rebbe’s farbrengen. They stood behind the Rebbe in the other room and from there they could see and hear the farbrengen. After the first sicha, one of the elder Chassidim asked that the bachurim enter, but they remained behind throughout that farbrengen.

The Rebbe at a Kabbolas Panim, the Second of Kislev, 5714

THERE IS NO WORLD

What is Chassidus? Unity of G-d.

R’ Itche der masmid (as he paced before davening) would say, “If He is here, then I am not here – the heels need to get the chills,” meaning, if Hashem exists, then I don’t exist. Knowing this ought to penetrate to the nth degree, till, literally, the heels. Because if I sense myself, and there are thing which I want and things which I don’t want, then I exist and this contradicts the absolute truth of His being.

In connection with this, I remember that R’ Dovid Raskin, the mashpia in yeshiva, would farbrengen every Shevii shel Pesach. The farbrengens were unique; even R’ Chodakov would stand and listen to R’ Dovid.

At one of these farbrengens, R’ Dovid spoke angrily about a group of bachurim who came over to him a few days earlier and complained that there were no pillows on the beds in yeshiva. R’ Dovid literally shouted, “A talmid comes to learn by the Rebbe, in Tomchei Tmimim and what is he immersed in?”

It was a given to him that by the Rebbe “there is no world.”

THE YETZER HARA AGREED TO NIGLEH, TO CHASSIDUS, JUST NOT TO AVODAS HA’TEFILLA

In 5717, R’ Nissan Nemanov came to the Rebbe for Tishrei. One night, R’ Yoel Kahn invited him to his house. R’ Yoel asked him to say a vort. R’ Nissan’s face turned a bit red and he said that the Rebbe Rashab says that the yetzer hara already agreed to the study of Nigleh, and even to the study of Chassidus, but he absolutely does not agree to the avodas ha’tefilla. Why? Because with this you are stepping on him, with this you are causing him pain…

Avodas ha’tefilla is a sensitive, deep matter and it contains infinite levels. The Rebbe Rashab writes that a minority of a minority are shayich to true hisbonenus (contemplation of Chassidus) and tefilla.

R’ Leizer Gurewitz told me that adding five minutes in tefilla is already in the category of a lengthy tefilla. If you think about it, you’ll understand that this is so true and right. You don’t need high levels for it; you just daven from a siddur the way the Rebbe demands and are immersed only in tefilla. Someone asks something, someone speaks to you? But you are davening now.

WHAT DO THEY WANT OF ME?

One Succos, at the Rebbe’s behest, we went to some town to bring joy to Jews. R’ Mendel Morosov was with us in the car. He told us interesting stories. One of the things he said was, when he was a boy in yeshiva he faced a serious dilemma. On the one hand, the bachurim claimed that his father [the Chassid, R’ Elchonon Dov, aka Chonye Morosov] wasn’t mekushar [to the Rebbe Rayatz], because he was mekushar to the previous Rebbe, the Rebbe Rashab; on the other hand, he was drawn to his father as to a magnet.

He received the solution to the problem at a special farbrengen of his father’s. R’ Chonye said a lot of l’chaim and said, “What do they want of me? I devoted myself to his Chassidus and I can’t change it.”

“That’s when I understood,” said R’ Mendel, “that my father’s hiskashrus was connected to dedication to learning Chassidus, something I hadn’t heard from all the young ‘mekusharim.’”

TO CONSTANTLY LIVE WITH THE QUESTION – “WHERE IS YOUR G-D?”

The first farbrengen of the Rebbe that I attended was on Zos Chanuka 5713. The Rebbe spoke very emotionally about the verse in Tehillim, “… all day, where is your G-d?” I remember exactly what the Rebbe said. The Rebbe said it’s not enough to feel that Hashem is “your G-d” only when you daven and learn, or at a farbrengen. When a person is doing business and when he speaks with people, he should have that feeling of “your G-d,” just as he understood and felt it during tefilla and as he learned. The Rebbe gave an example of someone going home after davening and if the food lacks salt, then he adds salt to the food…

These ideas are written throughout Chassidus, this is the essential point of it all; nothing exists aside from Him – all day, where is you G-d?!

After this was said with copious tears, the Rebbe said the Gemara tells of two men who were jolly and would bring joy to others. They said about them that, “they are destined for the World to Come,” i.e. in the merit that they were happy and brought joy to others, they were bnei Olam Haba. I didn’t sit here in order to make you sad, said the Rebbe, and he asked them to sing a niggun.

THE REBBE SUDDENLY TURNED COLORS

The next farbrengen I attended took place on Shabbos Mevorchim Shevat. The Rebbe said that since this was the month of Yud Shevat, the hilula of the Rebbe Rayatz, whoever had been to the Rebbe Rayatz should picture his yechidus with the Rebbe. The Rebbe asked that they sing a niggun and everyone should picture it to himself.

When they finished the niggun, the Rebbe’s face changed colors, and the tears… and he made a motion with his hand.

THE REBBE’S SURPRISING REACTION TO THE SONG “HA’REBBE SHELANU”

In 5716, the Rebbe sent shluchim to Eretz Yisrael [following the murderous attack at the vocational school]. A farbrengen took place on the Shabbos after their return.

During the farbrengen, the Rebbe asked them to sing a song from Eretz Yisrael. R’ Sholom Ber Butman began singing, “Ha’Rebbe shelanu, ha’Rebbe shelanu, tzaddik v’nasi ha’dor…”

I stood not far from the Rebbe and could see the Rebbe clear as the sun before me. I will never forget this, not in this world nor in the next. As soon as he began singing, the Rebbe bent over and put his head on his hands. One could see how the Rebbe was totally out of sorts… It was terrible. All the colors in the world passed over his face.

Afterward, the Rebbe began to say a sicha, that there is a maamar from the Alter Rebbe on the pasuk, “He does not desire the strength of a horse,” with the analogy of a horse who is completely subservient to his master. The Rebbe said that the point of the maamar is bittul.

[At the beginning of the farbrengen, the Rebbe asked why the gabbanim did not give aliyos to the shluchim who had returned. I felt bad for the gabbai; what he could do already? The Rebbe got maftir, Rashag got shelishi, a kohen and levi got those aliyos… but the Rebbe said they should all have aliyos… The Rebbe said to give them aliyos at Mincha.]

The point is, we need to know that our Rebbe is our Rebbe, and that is no simple matter. His entire life, his essence, and all that he has, he gave to us.

ALREADY AFTER THE CHULENT?

There lived a shochet, a yerei shomayim, in Crown Heights. He and his wife were of the category of balabatim. On Shabbos Mevorchim, he would hurry home right after the davening. He lived close by, on Eastern Parkway. He would make kiddush, eat, and rush back to 770 and sit in his regular spot before the Rebbe came in at one o’clock for the farbrengen.

One Shabbos, he was unlucky. He arrived at 770 from home and found that the Rebbe had already entered before him. He was late by one minute. The Chassid stood at the door, all upset. He jumped over the table and sat in his regular seat. The Rebbe turned to him and said, “R’ X, you’re already after the chulent?”

‘DEBATE’ BETWEEN THE REBBE AND A MASHPIA

On Simchas Torah 5717, R’ Nissan Nemanov asked to speak and the Rebbe agreed. R’ Nissan got up and said, “In 5687, the Rebbe Rayatz said, ‘Enough speculating with mesirus nefesh. You need to start learning and davening. Are there no love and fear in 5687?’”

R’ Nissan said, “Is there no love and fear in 5717? We need to demand hisbonenus of the tmimim, and detailed hisbonenus in order to bring to love and fear etc.”

The Rebbe listened to this and said, “They should be candles to illuminate!”

R’ Nissan repeated what he said. The Rebbe listened and again responded, “They should be candles to illuminate.”

Among other things, R’ Nissan asked for a bracha for the sefardic bachurim, that they have a chush in Chassidus. The Rebbe said, “You need to work with them.” R’ Nissan said, “I accept it upon myself!” The Rebbe said: It needs to be like a business owner, as the shver [father-in-law, the Rebbe Rayatz] would say, that a business owner is immersed in the business at night too.

R’ Nissan said again, “I accept it upon myself.”

The Rebbe said to pour a full cup for R’ Nissan and the Rebbe inclined his cup so they would pour for him too. The Rebbe drank the entire cup (like he did with the Four Cups, which was unusual for a farbrengen).

WHEN THE HEAD IS ILLUMINATED

R’ Mendel recounted: R’ Yisroel Neveler and R’ Dovid Horodoker sat and farbrenged.

R’ Yisroel said to R’ Dovid: They say about you that you have a shaychus to love and fear.

R’ Dovid listened and didn’t respond.

R’ Yisroel repeated what he said: They say about you that you have a shaychus to love and fear.

“Love and fear?” wondered R’ Dovid. “Once, when they learned and then davened, there was some ‘tickle’ during davening.”

I DON’T DO FAKE

One Thursday night, my friend, R’ Yaakov Yitzchok Cadaner, wanted to go to R’ Sholom Morosov’s house to ask him to farbreng with us.

“Why today?” I asked. “It’s not Rosh Chodesh or Shabbos.” But R’ Yaakov Itche insisted. He promised he would knock at the door and would ask and speak. He only asked that I join him. I was convinced and we went to  R’ Sholom’s house.

It was already one, one-thirty, in the morning. Seeing us at his door, we could see that R’ Sholom looked surprised. We ‘caught’ him sitting and learning Choshen Mishpat. This was in the first year of his marriage. His wife was cooking for Shabbos in the kitchen and I was pleased to discover that we hadn’t woken anyone up.

“What do you want?” asked R’ Sholom.

My friend began stammering. “Uh, uh… farbrengen.”

R’ Sholom said, “You need to know that a farbrengen is no simple matter. A farbrengen requires preparation. One needs to be holding by it and I’m not holding by it.”

When he saw that we weren’t put off and we were trying to insist, he gave us a mashal. “Let’s say you ask me for a loan of $100 and I refuse to give it. You try to convince me, to pressure me, to give you the loan. If I actually have the money you want, there’s reason to ask, but I don’t have the $100! Should I give a counterfeit hundred dollar bill? Not me!”

AFTER THE HOLY DAY

In Tishrei 5717, the Rebbe told the secretary, R’ Groner that it paid to take advantage of R’ Nissan’s stay to farbreng with the Chassidim. Indeed, on motzoei Yom Kippur, R’ Nissan farbrenged and he said l’chaim on wine.

What he said was, “All agree that after this holy day, we are all cleansed etc. Therefore, who says we must go back into the mud again?” and R’ Nissan cried.

The mashpia, R’ Avrohom Drizin said that when we are by the Rebbe, we need to speak about other things. R’ Nissan said, “I am ready to talk about kabbolas ol even in front of the Rebbe at Neilah.”

THURSDAY NIGHT FARBRENGEN

Every Thursday night there was a friendly farbrengen in R’ Dovid Raskin’s office.

The first Thursday night when I came to New York, they invited me to join this farbrengen. The participants were: R’ Berel Shemtov, R’ Zelig Katzman and R’ Dovid Raskin.

R’ Berel kept saying, “L’chaim, the Rebbe should be gezunt.” At a certain point, after a lot of l’chaims, R’ Zelig said to him, “You need to change the wording: We shouldn’t make him sick!”

Well in his cups, R’ Zelig said, “There is a sicha from the Rebbe Rayatz that there is a tzoraas mam’eres (malignant leprosy) that is called ‘ich’ [me],” and R’ Zelig gave a scream…

WE HAVE A REBBE

I was in Nachalat Har Chabad on Shabbos, Chag HaGeula, 12 Tammuz. R’ Mottel Kozliner told me that his father, R’ Chaim Zalman, was very active at the time of the Geula of 12 Tammuz. Many things went through him and he was very involved in the underground activities.

R’ Mottel told me to go to his father and ask him, “What is 12 Tammuz?”

I listened to him and went to his father late Shabbos morning. As I stood facing the elder Chassid, I was very excited but I still asked him, “What is 12 Tammuz?”

R’ Chaim Zalman didn’t like fools and didn’t like stupid questions. In response to me he said, “What is 12 Tammuz? What is ‘Anochi Hashem Elokecha?’”

Lest you think he meant that the Rebbe is the inyan of Atzmus, his intention was far simpler. The inyan of 12 Tammuz is that we have the Rebbe! You can ask about a certain mitzva, about the essence of a mitzva, its purpose, but when you have the essence, ‘Anochi Hashem Elokecha,’ what’s there to ask?

That is 12 Tammuz. 12 Tammuz is that we have the Rebbe himself!

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