2 years ago

From The Rebbe’s Pen: “Apparently, You Dealt With Your Husband In The Way Of Mussar…”

Chabadinfo in collaboration with Beis Moshiach Magazine presents: From the Rebbe’s Pen, a series featuring a weekly letter or ma’aneh (response) from the Rebbe MH”M • A fascinating answer from the Rebbe to a woman with Shalom Bayis issues apparently stemming from excessive criticism of her husband, and failing to appreciate his challenges and improvement • Full Article

A fascinating answer from the Rebbe to a woman with Shalom Bayis issues apparently stemming from excessive criticism of her husband, and failing to appreciate his challenges and improvement:

1) פשוט שגדול השלום ובפרט שבין איש לאשתו – שלכן כל יגיעה והשתדלות בזה כדאיות.

2) כנראה ביחסה לבעלה שי’ ע”ע [=עד עתה] הלכה בדרך אנשי המוסר (להראותו החסרונות, להדגישן וכו’). ואין צועקין על העבר, ועכ”פ [=ועל כל פנים] מכאן ולהבא תאחז (גם בזה) בדרכי החסידות (להראותו המעלות שבו, ובמילא ינצלן עוד יותר מאשר ע”ע [=עד עתה] – אף שגם ע”ע [=עד עתה] ניצלן – ירוויחו כולן בגו”ר [=בגשמיות וברוחניות] וכו’).

3) כשתביא בחשבון השינוי שבו מעת היותו במשטרה וכו’ – ה”ז [=הרי זה] אתהפכא ממש מן הקצה כו’. ואין זה רק ענין שבעבר – שהרי כשהולך ברחוב פוגש כו”כ [=כמה וכמה] ענינים המזכירים והיצה”ר [=והיצר הרע] אומן הוא ותמו”י[=ותיכף ומיד] מתחיל בפיתוי וכו’ – [היש לדמות זה להנסיונות של האשה – בתו של הרה”ח וכו’ ושנתחנכה על ידו, ונכדתו של כו’ חסידי רבותינו נשיאינו מכמה דורות] וכל השבחים שתאמר עליו כו’.

4) בריאה היא אלא שתמלא הוראות הרופא וה’ יצליחה לבש”ט [=לבשר טוב] בכל הענינים שכותבת ומתוך שמחה וט”ל [=וטוב לבב].

אזכיר עה”צ [=על הציון]

Translation:

1) It is obvious that peace is a great virtue, especially between a man and his wife, and therefore every bit of toil and effort in this direction is worthwhile.

2) Apparently, your attitude to your husband ’שי, up until now, has followed the path of those who go in the ways of mussar (to point out to him his faults and to emphasize them, etc.). “We don’t cry over the past,”* but at least from now onward, you should (in this aspect as well) take on the way of Chassidus (which is to point out to him his good qualities, and consequently, he will utilize them even more then he did until now –though he has utilized them until now as well – everyone will benefit both physically and spiritually, etc.).

3) When you consider the changes that happened in him from the time he has been in the police, etc., compared to how he is now, you will realize that he underwent a complete transformation — ishapcha — from one extreme to the other.

And this is not only a matter of the past that he abandoned, for when he walks the streets he encounters many things that remind him of his past, and the yetzer hara who is a professional at his task – [“uman bimlachto”] immediately begins tempting him and so on…

— [By the way, can you even compare it to the nisyonos of a woman – the daughter of Harav haChassid … who was also educated by him, and the granddaughter of … — all Chassidim of Rabboseinu Nesieinu for several generations?] —

and all the praises that you can say about him cannot describe his greatness for overcoming what he needs to overcome!*

4) You are healthy; just be sure to fulfill the doctor’s instructions. May Hashem grant you success, so you should be able to report good news about all the matters you write about, out of joy and gladness of heart.

I will mention you at the Tziyun.