Written by Rochele Haramati
“What? You didn’t check with Dor Yesharim?” Rivka asked her friend in disbelief.
“I didn’t do it, nor do I plan on doing it,” said her friend matter-of-factly. “In our family nobody does it because we rely on the Rebbe to decide about a shidduch as our ancestors throughout the generations did.”
Rivka did not respond but she wondered how anybody would be willing to consider her friend for a shidduch when the reality today is such that everyone is checked by Dor Yesharim.
A week later the friends met again and Rivka could tell from the sparkle in her friend’s eyes that something was going on. Despite her great curiosity, she refrained from asking anything and waited eagerly for good news which she heard two weeks later. Her friend was a kalla!
At the vort, her friend said, “The shlucha for whom I worked as a counselor last summer saw someone at the Kosel who looked just like me, amazingly similar. Next to her walked a bachur whom she knew from mivtzoim. When she saw them from afar, she was sure it was me walking with him, but when they got closer, she could see it was not me. The bachur nodded to the shlucha and introduced her to his sister. The shlucha quickly explained why she was looking surprised and said she knew a Chassidishe girl who looked just like his sister and maybe he should meet her. He accepted the suggestion and here we are!”
Wow! Incredible story.
Is checking with Dor Yesharim that important or could a couple suffice with a bracha from the Rebbe? And what should happen when a couple wants to conclude a shidduch and they write to the Rebbe and see no bracha whatsoever?
Dor Yesharim is very important. Checking can prevent terrible diseases. There is no reason to write to the Rebbe before checking with Dor Yesharim just like you don’t write to the Rebbe before seeing good middos, yiras shamayim, and an attraction.
When you don’t see an answer in the Igros Kodesh, the mashpia of the boy and girl should be spoken to. Sometimes, the mashpia will see an answer, but in general this is not a question that can be decided in the pages of an interview.